"The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around."

"The only thing wrong with immortality is that it tends to go on forever."

"I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there."

"Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angles to San Francisco live there?"

"The trouble with Oakland is that when you get there, it's there."

"All American cars are basically Chevrolets."

"The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary."

"If you wish me to weep, you must mourn first yourself."

"A quotation, like a pun, should come unsought, and then be welcomed only for some propriety of felicity justifying the intrusion."

"HUSBAND, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate."

"The work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives and the dreams shall never die."

"Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal."