"You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."

"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come."

"All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?' I'm trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don't win friends with salad."

"You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity."

"When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!"

"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel."

"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."

"Give all to love; obey thy heart."

"I'm against a homogenized society, because I want the cream to rise."

"If people did not sometimes do silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done."

"Keep a diary, and someday it'll keep you."

"I believe that every right implies a responsibility; every opportunity an obligation; every possession a duty."